Ever heard of the Prince Albert piercing before? Then you know the pleasures and dangers it could bring.
Amelia Jane Hunter is a comedian, actress, and TV producer. Amelia also teaches Storytelling, directs comedy shows and inspires an authentic and original approach to performance!
Amelia will have a show on April 22, “Funny For A Grrrl” with Mary Bourke.
Listen to the episode on Castbox, Spotify, Apple Podcast, Google Podcast.
Description:
Go visit → downapp.com to get yourself a date tonight 💞
Ever heard of the Prince Albert piercing before? Then you know the pleasures and dangers it could bring. Needless to say, Amelia’s story was bloody… amazing 🤭
Listen to comedian Amelia Jane Hunter’s story and find out what happens!
Amelia Jane Hunter – Comedian, Actress, TV Producer
Scroll for transcript⬇️
Michael: [00:00:00.30] Brought to you by DOWN hook up and dating app. Go to the iOS App Store or Google Play store and download it now.
Amelia: [00:00:07.83] Hi there. I’m Amelia. And I guess the one or three words. I would use to describe my funniest date – funny will be questionable – would be requiring emergency services.
Experience a great hookup tonight, download DOWN dating app for iOS App Store or Google Play store and have fun!
Michael: [00:00:24.39] I’m already nervous.
Amelia: [00:00:26.52] Yeah, well, I mean, not everything that glitters is gold. And in this case, I refer to body jewelry. And actually, this was a bit of a wakeup call for me. And I was seeing this lovely person and he had some jewelry hanging off his “Bejangles”, if you know what I mean. And I have some jewelry to hanging off my queen’s crown. Putting those two together is not quite – it’s not very good because he got very damaged. Very, very damaged. And so we were having a date. The date went well. The date went into some deep and dire penetration where all good dates go. And as we were having fun, we kind of took our eye off the ball, so to speak, and suddenly his jewelry got caught on mine, yanking it down very, very, very crudely, producing a lot of blood because, of course, you know, to maintain an erection, you acquire a lot of blood. And so it’s easy to say that the bedroom looked like a Dexter kill room site, if you’ve ever-
Annie: Oh, my God.
Amelia: And the poor lad was in such a state of shock, and I didn’t know what to do. I mean, I was in huge amounts of pain because I thought that my whole insides had been ripped out. So I was horrified. But I looked down and I was all in one piece, if not terribly bruised. And the poor fellow, there was just blood everywhere. And I mean, when I first saw his piercing, I, you know, recoiled in horror because it looked like something like you’d put around a young girl’s wrist, you know, like jewelry for young girls, which I’m very opposed to. But it was just this massive bloody earring hanging out of the end of his penis, which I just – Yeah. So it was very dramatic.
Michael: [00:02:27.33] Is it in the front?
Amelia: [00:02:29.13] It’s called – well, since this experience, not only have I written to many piercing magazines and tattooing magazines highlighting the danger of bringing two pierced people together, I’ve also learned more about what’s called the Prince Albert. So it goes up the urethra and out the back like a fishhook and then comes out around. Yeah. So it got jagged in mine, which is an open piercing. So it’s not one whole circle. It’s got two ball bearings on the end. So it got jagged on mine and it ripped his and honestly, the blood was, oh, I had to burn the mattress. It’s such a fucking forensic site. But the thing was, I mean, I felt so sad for this guy because he was in such pain and I thought, oh my God, what am I going to do?
Michael: [00:03:22.50] What kind of guy goes into a date where he expects to have sex with a fish hook coming out of his penis?
Colin: A fisherman.
Experience a great hookup tonight, download DOWN dating app for iOS App Store or Google Play store and have fun!
Amelia: [00:03:29.46] No, no, that’s how they pierce them. He had a full ring, like I guess you call it that and it has a big ball bearing in the middle of it. It was very… it was very from the era of the Vikings. I mean, I’m surprised he didn’t come in a full metal jacket and bearing a sword, you know, but it was all fun and games until then. I had to throw him into a bath with a 20 kilo bag of ice to stop the bleeding. And I rang emergency services and they said, Oh, you should bring him in. But the worst thing is, I mean, it’s not the worst, but I only had a motorbike, so.
Michael: [00:04:16.68] That sounds…
Amelia: [00:04:18.03] So I put this guy with a bleeding member on the back of my motorbike. I mean, the poor guy, his pupils were like completely freaked out. The poor guy. I mean, I think he thought he was dying. And in a way, looking at the amount of blood in my bed he was in and I remember going making sure he was alright, can I get you anything? And I remember he said, “Can you get me a mango daiquiri?” Out of all the things in the world, he wanted a mango daiquiri.
Michael: [00:04:46.95] Hey, his last drink before he perishes from the surf with a bag of ice on his dick.
Amelia: [00:04:53.67] Yeah, well, 20 kilo bag of ice on a stick, that’s for sure. So that was that. And I actually got very angry because I thought it could have been really bad. I mean, it could have been so bad for me. It could have been really worse for him. And then we kept in contact and he told me he still pisses out of two poles because obviously I removed it for him and it was pretty traumatic for him. There was so much blood. I mean, it was just pouring out. And I wrote a very sternly worded letter to a piercing magazine and they printed it.
Michael: [00:05:26.90] Did you, really?
Amelia: [00:05:28.19] Yeah, I got a lot of responses because, you know, there have been terrible piercing sex accidents. And, you know, I mean, I live in Berlin. It’s not all the same. Some of it is actual accidents and it really you don’t want your special bits ripped out. You want them forever.
Michael: [00:05:46.22] Yeah, that’s a solid general rule. Don’t want my special bits ripped out.
Amelia: [00:05:51.11] And not bits ripped down.
Michael: [00:05:53.45] Yeah, that’s my tombstone. Yeah. And having special bits ripped out.
Amelia: [00:05:58.58] No, no. So I, I learnt that very quickly and I mean it was a very passionate moment that turned dark extremely quickly.
Michael: [00:06:11.09] That just sounds terrible. I struggled to understand the why I mean, why a man pierces his.
Amelia: [00:06:18.98] Lots of men do. I mean, I you know, since then, I did a lot of research and I mean, my word, just just Google piercings, male piercings. And you’re in for a 15 minute trauma. Right.
Michael: [00:06:31.01] Big trauma, right?
Experience a great hookup tonight, download DOWN dating app for iOS App Store or Google Play store and have fun!
Amelia: [00:06:32.78] Yeah, but people love to do it. People like to put very big weighted piercings in the end of their penis. I mean, the thing is to create a prints out for it. It goes up the urethra and out the back.
Michael: [00:06:46.40] Yeah.
Amelia: [00:06:48.13] Yeah. So it’s a pretty intense piercing. And, you know, this guy had gotten this piercing because he knew I had one and he thought, oh, I’ll go and just get one. And so he went into a.
Annie: Oh, I bet he regrets it.
Amelia: Well he just went in and like he was shopping for a blue jumper and he just went, Oh, I’ll have a Prince Alfred. And they were like, “Yeah right, mate. Do you know what it is?” And he goes, “Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.” But you know, beautiful, youthful ego, it can take you into some deep, dark places. And when they brought out the selection of jewelry, he was like, “Oh, no, no, no, I just want to Prince Alfred.” And they went, “Yeah, dude, this is the entry level jewelry that you’ll have.” And they kept saying to him, “You sure you know what it is?” And he was like, “Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.” But, you know, men in their egos don’t check up on it, don’t do any research, and certainly don’t know what they’re walking into. And then the next thing, they bring out a big giant fishhook because that’s how they do the piercing. So he was very traumatized when he arrived to my place, had a massive bandage around his penis like, you know, and then he showed it to me and like we were laughing and, you know, heavy petting and he would get an erection and scream and because he wasn’t used to it. But then things got amorous, you know, such as the power of alcohol and candlelight. I thought everything was going all right until. Yes. That- that fateful moment.
Michael: [00:08:13.66] I just looked it up.
Amelia: [00:08:15.97] Well, you’re deep on the web now, aren’t you?
Michael: [00:08:19.54] I am. And I just can’t imagine, like, that thing hooking onto your thing. And then then just everything going pear shaped. Oh, my God.
Amelia: [00:08:26.95] Yeah. Oh, pear shaped. Makes it sound romantic. For me, it was the sheer amount of blood. You know, because we can all leave a mattress salty, stained, you know, with an outline of the body being found on a road. But the blood was next level and having to lift him and put him into a bath, I mean, thank God and women know what they’re doing. And I also lived in a very hot part of the world where, of course, I had a 20 kilo bag of ice in my downstairs freezer.
Michael: Naturally.
Amelia: And, you know, I even managed to have some frozen mango in the freezer and some vodka with my mango.
Michael: [00:09:08.17] So he got his daiquiri?
Experience a great hookup tonight, download DOWN dating app for iOS App Store or Google Play store and have fun!
Amelia: [00:09:10.42] Well, he got a mango smoothie with a shit ton of vodka and-and he almost got a trip to the hospital on the back of my dirt motorbike. But fortunately, emergency services were able to talk me through what to do, and they were the ones to suggest remove the piercing and keep him in the bath and keep him distracted. So I stayed naked. Wow. We dated for a bit afterwards, but it just didn’t work out.
Colin: [00:09:43.48] So you kept seeing each other after this?
Amelia: [00:09:45.58] Well, I had to part out of, you know, care and part out of just concern and part out of the fact that the trauma was so deep. It was the one thing that bonded us because we didn’t really know how to tell anyone anything about it, you know? And he couldn’t go to work. He had a very physical job because he was terribly in pain. And when he went to see a doctor, the doctor just really got so angry at him about a. the piercing, b. the sex and the piercing, c. the sex with the piercing, d. the piercing. You know, it was a lot of judgement.
Michael: [00:10:19.39] I’m mad at him. He’s now making me think about what it would feel. I don’t think there’s a man alive who watches another man like, you know, take a football, a baseball, a basketball, whatever, between his legs and doesn’t on his own just wince, right? Yeah. I mean, and tell me if I’m wrong. But now, after hearing this story, I’m just looking at this picture and it’s just a- it’s not even a photo. It’s just like a drawing and just thinking, first of all, why? But second of all, why have sex with it? And third of all, oh, my God, who hooked on to yours? This is the worst possible date ever.
Colin: It sounds like a dark carnival game, doesn’t it?
Michael: It does. It’s like, can I hook mine to your thing and then just create blood everywhere.
Colin: So he’s a squirter?
Michael: I guess he is now.
Colin: Oh, my God. Poor guy.
Amelia: [00:11:09.16] That’s not going to create a long term relationship, that’s for sure.
Michael: [00:11:12.28] Yeah. You definitely win the prize, I think. Brought to you by DOWN hook up and dating app. Go to the iOS App Store or Google Play store and download it now.
Download the #1 hookup app, on iOS App Store or Google Play store.